Get Intimate Texts from a Computer for just £16.50 per month!

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Written By Mahmoud Sarvari

GimpA new app which allows the user to formulate a fake relationship with a virtual partner is the latest in long line of extremely worrying social media trends.

Real life is losing its appeal to an increasingly large number of homo sapiens, and game/software/app developers are the ones profiting from the lack of desire for reality.

The app comes in an option for girls (The Invisible Boyfriend app), and one for the lonely boys (The Invisible Girlfriend) and the user will receive 100 texts, 10 voicemails and one lovely romantic fake note from their virtual lover. All this comes at a very competitive price of £16.50 per month….. Someone somewhere is having a good old laugh to themselves.


That someone is Matthew Homann, he is the co-founder of this app and even freely admits that it started off as “a joke,” before presumably the extended network of those unable to speak to/look at/touch/interact with real people became apparent, and the dollar signs started flashing.

Exploiting lonely people with no social skills is certainly nothing new. The last act of a desperate man so often involves parting with money in order to find some degree of fabricated contentment, but to what degree any kind of fulfilment can be garnered by receiving computer-generated texts and voice mails is up for debate.

The app’s website claims that the app “gives you real-world and social proof that you’re in a relationship – even if you’re not – so you can get back to living life on your own terms.” But it’s hard to see how.

I could text myself and change my own contact number in my address book to a name which sounds like it may belong to a hot babe, show all my friends the hot self-penned conversations, and I’m not sure I would feel any level of social validation. Paying £16.50 per month for something far tamer, seems far sadder.

Get a Cat, Get a Grip

It’s a worrying time for all of us. If you’re lonely, buy a cat. £16.50 a month on food will give you all the non-virtual, non-committal, and non-conversational company you require. You’re welcome. Enjoy.